I hold it true, what’er befall, I feel it when I sorrow most, ‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all’

(Alfred Lord Tennyson)

Do you believe in the saying:

 “It is Better to Have Loved and Lost, then Never to Have Loved at all?”

To love or not to love? To lose or not to lose a love?

Both of the above have little relevance, none of us choose to fall in love and none of us would choose to lose a love.

Two of life’s greatest treasures, love and friendship.

Being in love is a not only a state of mind, it is all encompassing, it touches people in ways no other emotion can. However if love is the answer to living a full life then can you please repeat the question?!

For those of us who have experienced unconditional love we have experienced the greatest gift life could endow.

However with love comes pain, who do you turn to when the only one in your life that can stop you crying is the one making you cry? Your best friend.

With love comes responsibility, loving the heart which hurts us but never hurting the heart who loves us.

It isn’t the great discovery of finding the perfect partner, it is more about opening our eyes, learning to see the imperfect partner perfectly and accepting the imperfections.

Love is rare; being in love is even more rare.

I asked some friends ‘what they thought the difference was from loving and being in love?’

It surprised me they all equated being ‘in love’ with the word lust!

Lust is purely a desire for the flesh; it has no place in a loving relationship.

Sometimes love is a reflection of our own needs. What do we want? A lover who is gentle, wise enough to listen and speak at the right moment, who has the playfulness and humour of a child, the tolerance of a saint, the sensitivity of a poet, the intelligence of  a philosopher and the fortitude of a warrior?

If love isn’t in the heart it cannot be in the head.

Love is beyond any other form of energy it’s like a flame, so hot it burns his/her initials on your soul, it ignites a passion which knows no reason or boundary.

No matter how hard or how far you go to find it, it is illusive because it is a divine accident and happens when you least expect it.

Is it better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?

Yes it is better to have loved and lost through God’s own plan of mortality, however if it is lost through lies, deceit or corruption of the loving process than perhaps it is better to have never loved at all.

The primary foundation for loving or being in love is honesty.

How does friendship fit into your life? 

I pity the man without a friend but I pity more the man who cannot make a friend.

I have a friend, she is more than a friend she is my idea of what a sister should be, but rarely is.

My friend rejoices in my successes, holds my hand when the going gets tough, but is never afraid to tell me when I’m out of line. She is my staunch supporter and protector, if I have a problem she doesn’t ask ‘what can I do?’ She simply says or does something appropriate.

My life has always been surrounded by drama, perhaps because I am one of those people who attempts to live three lifetimes in one, a whirlwind a mini tsunami and exhausting for my friend to accompany me on this journey. We are opposites I rush through every minute grabbing at this and that, she takes it easy, puts a lot of things on hold and tends to see obstacles where I see none.

My friend’s views are slightly pessimistic, mine are more opportunistic rather than optimistic, I see chance and opportunity in everything. Where my friend treads water, is careful and avoids obstacles, I jump over everything and often land in a ditch.

I think I came out of my mother’s womb running, my friend came out of her mother’s womb, took a look around and decided she was not in a hurry to get through her life. 

My motto tends to be childish and simplistic, ‘don’t take life too seriously, no one gets out of it alive anyway.’

My friend’s motto might be, ‘do this first, do this second, next week, next year at the end of the day there will be time for me.’

Friendship has a special ingredient, you don’t have to think the same, but you have to love the same. You can grow separately without growing apart

She is a heroine, unlike me she is a totally unselfish person, I love her.

You never need a beautiful flower in your house when you have a true friend because she decorates your soul.

How does friendship fit into my life?

It doesn’t fit in; it is part of my life and who I am. Fitting in really has no place with regard to friendship, in fact it demeans it. Friendship is a love and a spiritual connection born from an extraordinary trust when another person trusts you as much as you trust and love yourself. 

My friend and I have been blessed to have shared growing together and separately for more than twenty five years. Perhaps the greatest blessing has been the legacy we have given to our children who in turn have become sisters and brothers and share the knowledge that in the end they will never recall the words of their enemies but always remember the silence of their friends.

As the wise man once told me:

You can hold a heart in an open hand, you cannot hold anything in a fist.